After the runaway success* of “Robson Crusoe: A Surprising Adventure” on ITV, Robson Green and his manager met up in the Turk’s Head pub in Barnard Castle. They discussed ideas for new shows to bring to TV Execs based on the same winning formula. This is what they came up with.
Robson Green’s Angle Delight
Northumberland’s self-proclaimed favourite son embarks on a quest to catch, produce, and then mass manufacture a fish based mousse-like sweet dessert which requires to be mixed and whisked with milk by the end user.
Robson Green’s Constrained Melody
Robson is forced to live in one of his beloved Northumberland bothies singing karaoke songs solely dictated by the public.
Robson and Yer ‘ome
Robson Green presents a Through the Keyhole style program with a twist that he appropriates your home and possessions for a fortnight and shows you the life that you should be living.
Robson Green in Solder Soldier!
Robson presents a programme in which soldiers have 30 minutes to construct sculpture from scrap metal.
Grafters!
Robson Green presents a race relations program in which white supremacists are treated with skin grafts from ethnic minorities. Robson tracks the candidates through the onset of Graft vs Host disease and documents their mental struggles with their new pieces of skin.
Liar in the Blood!
Robson uses DNA fingerprinting techniques to help iron out family disputes once and for all, ranging from questionable paternity to denied adoption. Robson displays his classic brand of empathy by revealing he once owned a dog which he was promised was a pedigree but this was proved fatuous by the Kennel Club.
Tails from Northumberland
Robson puts aside his differences with the Kennel Club to bring us a look at how the tails of our Northumbrian dogs have evolved and differentiated through the ages.
Green Robson
Northumberland’s favourite son takes a look the expansion of the renewable energy industry especially in his home country. ITV4 Tues 04.30
Robson Green Mile
Robson spends a week on death row but is shived by another inmate two hours after arrival because he started playing guitar.
Green Eyes
We take a look into Robson’s tepid catalogue of work he’s produced whilst his often seen poorer Soldier Soldier pal Jerome Flynn has catapulted himself into international stardom with the hit television series A Game of Thrones.
Casualty!
A real life drama documentary. Will Robson survive the production team’s induced car crash? You decide. Phone in to vote and help direct the theatre operations. Robson’s life is in your hands.
Robson’s Green
Our eponymous hero has fallen on hard times and sets up a cannabis farm in his garage to make ends meet. Events ensue when Jerome finds that Robson has been stealing his electricity (I’m assuming they live next door to each other like Ant & Dec).
Robson Green’s Extreme Phishing
Robson befriends unsuspecting members of the public, gains their trust along with their credit card details and proceeds to bombard them with filthy purchases and cock-shots.
Swiss family Robson
Robson becomes an au pair for Rodger Federer’s family and goes on a hunt for lost Nazi gold.
Robson vs Robson
Northumberland’s greatest tennis player pits himself against the world’s 348th best female player Laura Robson. (accurate as of January 2017)
Robson’s Green Belt
Our environmental hero chains himself to a Waitrose in Aylesbury to stop the construction of HS2.
Just call me Robson Green
A look into the life of an utter cunt.
The Green green grass of Jerome
A fly on the wall documentary following Robson Green in his new job as Jerome Flynn’s gardener. Basically him on a sit on lawn mower in front of a mansion.
Dying his Roots
Robson desperately tries to untie himself from his roots by pronouncing Ashington as Eshington.
Green Street
Ho’way the lads! Robson joins Blyth Spartans’s firm and beats a young lad from Morpeth to death
Robson’s Green
Robson studies golf course management at Birmingham University, can the div fix the divot?
Robson Gangrene
On a remote island in the Philippines Robson suffers from an infected wound caused by a fishhook. He has to gnaw his own balls off to stop the infection.
Evergreen
Robson is cryogenically frozen to remain a fuckin weapon forever.
On the Rob
Robson cosies up with a clan of modern day Northumbrian Border Reivers as they run sorties over the Northumbrian-Scottish border to steal livestock, Audis and drying laundry.
Robson Greenpeace
Sparks fly when Robson rams his coble into a Japanese whaling vessel.
Robson Greenspan
Robson meets former head of the federal reserve Alan Greenspan to discuss the east money policy and dot com bubble with hindsight.
Robson’s Green Piece
After an embarrassing diagnosis Robson takes a look at sexual health and STDs.
Robson’s Village Greens
Robson visits the village greens of England and tells everyone that he meets that he is from Northumberland.
Robson’s Green Park
More recreation than park, Robson goes to a green park (London Fields) and uses a purple crayon to colour in hipsters.
Robson Greensleeves
Taking advantage of the heatwave, Robson spends the summer noncing in a rented ice cream van.
Robson’s Green-lit
He’s been paid the advance, but there’s no script! Robson Green rushes to write his new TV show commissioned by Netflix.
Blockchained Melody
Robson investigates the every changing world of Crypto currency. During one interview with a man who states he’s the real Satoshi Nakamoto, Green is scammed into buying £6000 worth of Titcoin, a new crypto currency that is in fact a front for isis fundraising.
* It was shit
